Doodles

For those of you who may still occasionally check this blog I haven't been posting actively for a while and I'm sorry. But I'm back! And just to kick things off immediately. I have included two works of art I created at work. Medium: Ballpoint pen and highlighter on notebook paper. Enjoy.

Breaking The Rules

Every man knows them. They're strictly adhered to and people get upset if you break them. Though my title alludes to a story I feel that the tale would be lacking without the proper background information and thus I present a guide to the rules of urinal usage. 

Rule 1

There must be at least one urinal space between two urinating men at any given time.

That's right, in the many bathrooms that only have three urinals the center one is simply for display. As you wait for one of the outer urinals to free up it serves as a preview of the experience to come. There are exceptions to this rule however. A trough for example has a no space rule. For those of you unfamiliar with the trough, it is... a trough. Full of ice, and men gather around it to alleviate their bladder pressures with no concern for the distance of other men. This occurs most often at football games, nascar races and other heterocentric events. Confusing, I know. 

Rule 2

Never speak to a stranger while using the urinal

Just don't do it. Nobody wants to talk to a stranger holding his dick while they hold their own dick.

Ok, now that's taken care of and so I'll tell my story. Basically I think that the first rule is stupid. I can't think of one legitimate reason why one should not use the middle urinal. It's childish, and it's even more frustrating when there is a line. Anyhow the story takes place in the mens' room of King's Dominion theme park. It was a hot day and I needed to pee, so naturally I go to the bathroom. There was a line inside of three people waiting to use the urinals. The thing was, even though there was a line, the middle urinal was left unused.

Naturally this aggravated me. I looked around at the faces of the men patiently waiting for a vacancy at an acceptable urinal and after a moment, with an incredulous expression on my face passed them to stand in front of middle urinal. The second I approached the man to my right had a physical reaction. I knew instantly that I had no choice but to mess with him.

Pinkie Swear

Lumberjack bear-stranglers

Last night I went with my girlfriend and a friend of hers to see a show at a local venue, Strange Matter. The opening acts were the Bermuda Triangles and the Super Vacations, and the headliner was Ty Segall. No I don't get anything for those links, just making it easy for you guys to check all that stuff out. Anyway, my buddy Skates did not like this, not one bit. He declared that this meant that I was a homosexual. Something that is just fine to be but also something I really don't want to be. So I panicked, just a little bit, and in my haste to deny this accusation I declared that in fact, the show was so strongly heterosexual that the audience was largely Swedish bikini models, and lumberjack bear-stranglers. We all know what Swedish bikini models are.

They are girls like these.

But when he claimed that lumberjack bear-stranglers were a bullshit concept I responded by the following diagram. Which I felt was funny enough that I should share it. So, after all this rambling, here it is.

Almost as fun to draw as it is to think about.

Kind of a bullshit post I admit, but I wanted to share.

Side Effects

Recently I saw a commercial for a drug that treats acne. Apparently, if you use over the counter medications for this purpose you're an idiot because it's a medical issue. This new drug however will make you as clear as the morning air. Except for a couple pesky side effects, including suicidal thoughts, actions, or sudden death.

Sudden death.

How bad is your acne that this is a reasonable risk?


I have decided that there's only one reasonable way that a doctor should describe this medication before prescribing it.

Dad's Old T-shirts

When I was a little boy my brother and I used to wrestle my dad. We called the game "Green Ranger" because it started when the Power Rangers had to fight the newly added Green Ranger. My brother and felt that this concept was so awesome we had to reenact it. It wasn't long before my dad got an idea. Wearing an old undershirt that had worn a few holes into it he mentioned that it's quite easy to rip such a shirt from it's wearer. When he'd wear such a shirt and wrestle us, this became our signature finishing move. My parents thought it was very cute.

What they failed to anticipate however, was that we would quickly realize that ripping someone's shirt off was awesome. It made us feel powerful, which appealed greatly to us, and it wasn't long before we started doing this regardless of whether or not we were playing Green Ranger. Ambushes came at all times of the day and night. If he wore an undershirt, and it had a hole in it, we knew what we had to do.

As you can probably imagine, this behavior ran its course quite quickly. Once we began jumping him at the breakfast table it ceased to be cute. And thus, mere weeks after our escapades began, we were told that this was never to happen again.

In a few days I'm going back to visit my family, and I think, despite being a grown man, I'm going to rip my dad's shirt off. Just for shits and giggles.

Crazy Bread

I want to take a chance to apologize to my regular readers for the hiatus. I've been incredibly busy these last few weeks preparing to take the LSATs and was unable to post any new content. I'm back now and I'm going to make like fiber and I'm going to keep this shit regular. But I digress, on to the story.

Recently at work my coworkers and I decided to order pizza for lunch from a local Little Caesar's. The colleague of mine who ordered got them to throw in some crazy bread for free since we ordered four pizzas. I'd never thought about it before but in a moment of down time it struck me that crazy is not an appropriate description for bread. Is the bread... insane? Does the bread fail to control it's behavior to a normal degree? Fail to comply with social norms? Then it struck me. This crazy bread would have so many limitations...

 Poor Crazy Bread...